I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.
Dating is just hanging out with someone until you figure out what is wrong with them.
I won’t quit, but I will cuss the whole time.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be a miserable cow.
Me: I really want to travel.
Bank Account: Like….to the backyard?
Be the shit without shitting on anyone else.
When life gives you lemons…freeze them and throw them as hard as possible at the people making your life difficult.
I would call my fashion style ‘clothes that still fit’.
You just have to take it one ‘are you fucking kidding me’ at a time.
Work Tip: Stand Up. Stretch. Take a walk. Go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.
I was going to clean the house, but then I realized…this book isn’t going to read itself.
I can do anything with a little profanity and sarcasm.
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be fucking staggering.
I’m in a good place now. Not emotionally. I’m just at the liquor store.